I am the most pathetic consoler that Nature could have ever created. I truly believe that its an art to pacify someone crying. Most of the times, I pray that the person doesn't breakdown for his and my own good. Selfish you might think, but it has done noone good to cry in front of me. While a comforting shoulder is what one expects, all they get are horribly made up jokes or some crude advice.
Some of the things you might not want to do -
- Hug them - I got the weirdest looks back when I tried this. So, unless they lean forward indicating they literally need your shoulder to cry on, dont try anything. Maybe warning them ahead or imposing on them that they do require a hug would be a good idea.
- Tell them everything is going to be ok - A raised/angry voice -- "If I knew that, would I cry"?, Very-scary stares, intensity of crying increased and many more such disastrous results obtained!
- Tell them eating icecream will make them feel better - Dont you dare laugh at this idea of mine, it works on me! Atleast I thought that the idea would seem absurd enough for the person to smile a little if nothing else. So...point is, not everyone gets excited about food. (I thought it helps to eat more when you are depressed...whoever said that! Seriously, these days there are too many people out there making statements).
- Questioning them - Awww...what happened? - No no no no...never ever ask them this question. It makes them think of what happened and they cry louder. Well, I cant really solve someone's problem unless I know what the problem is, right? Took a few years, but realized that they dont expect you to solve anything.
- Saying "See its not like ...'some other worse possible thing' happened right"? - Ya right, that was very pacifying! If they didn't think this was the worst thing that could happen to them, they wouldn't be in the current state would they! This one got one of the worst reactions. A 'why-am-I-even-crying-to-you" stare followed by the person just walking away into another room!
I guess one of my worst reactions to someone crying was when I couldn't stand this person in so much pain and instead of consoling him, I started crying. It so happened that eventually he ended up consoling me! I am sure he went..."what the ---- just happened"?
I guess if you are like me, not so good with timing and words, the best thing to do would be to just sit there (nod a lil if they are trying to say something) and maybe...maybe hold his/her hand. I think wiping their tears also is an ok. Dont do it often though, trust me, they want to see it drop into their hands or laps or clothes or whatever it is in front of them. And oh ya...saying "Shhhh" also might work.
There are so many people out there wanting to do some good to the world and its people, why don't they start some crash course on how to be a good consoler!
