An untitled chapter of life

4.30 in the night (or if u want to call it morning)...Deep Thoughts, a few dreams shattered and depressing music...all of them together are keeping me awake. Its time to lie down on the bed, to close the tired eyes, to give rest to the fear inside. But there will be a morning and there will be a pair of eyes that will open to a new day and there is the mind that will remind them of the reality filling them with tears. New fears will form, panic will strike, helplessness will seep in...turning into sadness and eventually getting buried somewhere deep inside. The anger is receding and love is replacing it. Strange are the mechanisms of handling pain. The soul questions itself where everything went wrong, why it went wrong.

Some of the most wonderful things are just never meant to be...

There she goes....

Thats the song that comes to my mind when she goes off on a tangent in her life. She thinks she can go on with her life smiling at everyone and winning over people. Does she ever stop to think that the bad bad world could just swallow her right now?! She says..."Ahh Do I care, I am nice to people, so they are going to be nice too". How much more naive can a woman be? Well, once she told me that her life is so messed up that she thinks she can never be serious ever! I wish I could change her, open her eyes to the reality and tell her that everything will never be ok in the end, so learn to face it. I know I cant help her because she wont listen to me, she is stubborn and she doesnt like me much. Someday, when her tolerance level has been crossed, she will put an end to the nonsense in her life and I know I will be a very happy soul that day!

Hmmm

2.30 in the night, a cup of tea in my hand, keys being pressed away to put down thoughts on paper, eyes droopy and lots of girl talk (with one guy around who probably feels totally out of place right now)! Mind wandering, thinking about the one hundred and seventeen choices I have right now. The left portion of the brain says go for anything, really doesnt matter, but the right one says, pick the seventy seventh. Seems like I have to wait for the brain to reach an equilibrium. Life is hard with so many choices to make, do I pick the spinach filled pasta or the cheese one, do I settle on the comfy couch which is never going to let me get up to even get a glass of water or on the hard floor and shift positions every two minutes to avoid pain in the wrong place? Do I choose the cute pup as the wallpaper or the kitten? Do I play 'Romeo and Juliet' or 'Reason'? Well, quite a few difficult choices, but then there are the easy ones too which save your day!

Dedicated to a friend

She tells me....hang on, dont make hasty decisions. She tells me...you deserve much more, why are you putting up with this? She tells me...for gods sake, get ur self-ego up! She tells...sometimes everything is wrong, but hold on. She gives me advice, she protects me, she cares for me, she can actually feel the pain I go through. She knows what I mean when I say, "Life sucks"! She hears my endless cribbing and she hates it when I cry. There's a lot more I could write about, but I know no words would be enough to express it all here. I am glad we get to choose atleast some of the relations in life.

Blackhole

Life shatters away and you are left standing there as though that part never belonged to you. You try to catch the bits and pieces to gather and glue them together, but the cracks are going to be always there. The heart bleeds, the mind does irrational things, eyes sting with tears and hands wrap around you trying to protect you from pain. But soon you realize its futile. The only way you can come out of this is if you turn your heart into stone and never feel a thing ever.

If you offer me a bag of gold coins, if you give me a diamond ring or if you give me hope, happiness, love or promises, I wouldnt walk behind you. I wouldnt let you make me walk ahead either. All I want is to walk beside you, to take those steps together, to reach the peak of that mountain at the same time, to look up from a book and catch both of us staring at the rain outside the window and to open eyes from sleep at the same time to find us still beside each other! It stings to realize that this dream will never come true...ever...

Never thought I’d feel like this
Strange to be alone, yeah
But we’ll be together
Carved in stone,
When I see you, I'll see you on the other side

So you think you can tell heaven from hell?

I believe one of the worst things in life is getting attached to people. You always end up losing some part of you. I lost sanity.

(Which is quite evident in all that I wrote in the previous post, I have never been so randomn in any of the posts before I guess)!

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How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

Sense(less)?

I probably look at the world through rose tinted glasses and have a picture of a wonderful world where you always get what you deserve. Call it foolishness or over handed optimism, this is my way of living my life. The only thing that matters in life is happiness. Hope is the most wonderful thing on this earth. If hope gives me happiness, what sounds so wrong about it? Isnt it the present that matters the most to anyone? Tomorrow is nothing but a dream, a future that one should not worry about. You live on hope, dream the most wonderful dreams and make the most of your present.

I never took life seriously. I have never thought of life as something where one has to struggle to get through it. You have one life and you live it anyway...no matter what you do, what kind of decisions you take or what kind of blunders you make, you will live through it all because really...its not so easy to end your life. Death is scary. When I am going to die, its going to be scary not for me, but for all those people who love me. I think if I knew I were to die, I would just go away. I dont want to be with anyone, I want to experience freedom, feel free from all relationship ties, dont want to really care for anyone or feel love or hatred or jealousy. I want to flush out all that from inside and feel light. And if none of this is possible, 2 shots of tequila should be good enough!!