Looking back

Looking back, one semester is over and what have I done? Absolutely none of the things I wanted to! I gained a few things (apart from weight), lost a few things, so life evened it out for me. I woudnt have it any other way. No regrets.


Realizations/ Lessons (lessons re-learnt) ---


- that everyone isnt what they seem (for a change on the capabilities of a person on a professional level)

- that you are out on ur own in this world (Friends,parents, realtives, boyfriends...none of them can help u when u have an insane uncontrollable mind)

- that being and acting deperate and crying for it doesnt help u get back anything (only worked when u were a kid and just the first few times with a new boyfriend until he gets smarter)

- that there is noone out there who I cant get bored with

- that patience doesnt help u in anyway (who passed on these thoughts anyway), the only thing that helps in maintaining a relation is change of perspective towards the person, u can tolerate the most boring/irritating person if u want to.

- that I still suck at time management (but so does a majority of the world)

- that I do like changes (contrary to what I said long back on the blog abt hating it)

- that I am capable of being and staying angry (something I had lost somewhere out there) and feeling all the other dark feelings of human nature and I have no idea why the thought of inflicting pain gives me joy!

- that I am strong enough to handle some of the things I never thought I could.

- that I am made up of more substance than I thought I was.

- that I really do not miss so many people I thought I would (or should?)

- that no matter what has gone wrong or right because I came here, its going to do me a lot of good eventually.


U wait until u finish ur exams so that u can sleep all u want and what happens? U cant sleep on the day its over. Life sucks. But what the hell, life can go take a hike!

The Marriage Fever

XYZ: So, have you thought about marriage?

Me: Umm..hmm..aahh...

XYZ: So when are you getting married?

Me: (What the...u impatient thing, cant u wait till I find an asnwer?)

but instead say...well...

XYZ: I am going to finish my Masters and then I am considering PhD, so maybe after that, depending on.....blah blah..

Me: (I dont want to know your future plans, know what? I can predict it for u, You wont do your Phd,u'll find a 100k paying job and marry a girl who gets some more money for you)

Ahh...seems like a well thought plan

XYZ: Well ya, I believe in knowing what you want and working towards it.

Me: (ya...thats right, and the rest of the world doesnt believe that at all)

Thats very nice, I am sure you will succeed (I REALLY could have thought of something better)!

XYZ: So you didnt tell me your marriage plans? So, parents have started the pressurizing and all?

Me: (U creature from a different planet, did you give me a chance?)

I actually decided not to think about it, coz...

XYZ: I think one should have a chalked out plan in mind you know, about everything

Me: AArrrghh....abt marriage? Thats something that will just happen when the time comes rt? (Even though I hate the "right thing happening at the right time" dialogue)!

XYZ: So abt your parents?

Me: Oh ya...no...they are not like all other relatives of mine (thank god)

XYZ: Is that coz u have found someone?

Me: (huh? whaaaat? You actually want to know if I have a boyfriend, dont you?)

Do u really know when u find someone? Isnt it all but an illusion? You think this is what you want, but....blah blah (If he cud torture me to mindless endless what nots, what better way of getting rid of him)

(Didnt work)

XYZ: I think you should get married after your Masters...you know...

Me: (No I dont know! And I dont want you saying another word, or all that hair on your head will dissapear in 2 minutes)

Why do you think so?

XYZ: Because you arent getting any younger and guys out there want younger girls as their wives you know...

Me: (The "you know" was getting on my nerves apart from everything else that was being uttered...)

Calm down, calm down, not worth it...its all about controlling ones mind...

I know what you should do, get married right away. You know why? because, you arent getting any younger yourself and you arent going to look any better, if only worse in a few years. And you know something else, I think girls wont like you at any age! So, just grab the one that says yes (if you are lucky) and dont let her go.

Did I say it? Of course not! Am not really the "I dont care what people think about me" kind.

Hmm...I dont know about that...heyy...I gotta go, have a class in 5 mins. (And pray to God you never meet me again coz I am going to say all I think the next time)

Something is wrong with the world! Why is everyone I know either busy thinking about marriage or getting into one?

Before the darkness sets in

As I looked up from my book, I saw something so beautiful in front of my eyes, I was turned into a statue. Across the window was a mix of such lovely colours, it seemed like I was inside a fairy tale! Sunset never had made me feel so exuberant and peaceful before. As the orange merged into a pink in the distance, the first thing that occured to me was to get hold of a camera. And then someone's words rang in my ears about how obsessed I am with my camera and how I spend enough time running around taking pictures to miss the whole experience! For once, I thought I should listen to his words and just sit there and look at it. The colours kept changing from a bright shade to a dull one until violet spread across the horizon merging into the blue sky. The flaming colors of orange and pink had come down and looked like there was fire burning in a far far away land which somehow reminded me of Rumpelstiltskin dancing around the fire!

After ages, I observed both sunrise and sunset on the same day! I will not go into the details of how I spent the rest of the time inbetween blisfully in sleep!

Wish I knew what to change

Why does every song suit my situation in some way or the other, why have I started noticing every line in them and why do I sit and figure out the meaning of every song? A song was just a song...it was music that gave me happiness, peace and relaxation. Now its so much more, they are so closely related to my memories. No matter how I enqueue up the songs, its always a song that suits my mood that plays! Or is it my mood that changes with the music?

At this time, some of the day to day things have started having a deeper effect...a deeper meaning. I think its just the mind thats working overtime!

And I hate Ozzy for making me fall in love with his songs!